Preethi’s Story
My marriage to Duri* was arranged by my parents with the best of intentions. I was excited and had always dreamed of getting married. After a six-month engagement, Duri and I were married near my home in India, with hundreds of guests in attendance. Both Duri and I were dentists, and the plan was for me to leave my family, move with Duri to the United States, and become a licensed dentist there as well.
It didn’t take long after our move to the United States for my dream to fall apart. From the beginning, the emotional abuse from Duri was nonstop, and I knew no one else in the country to turn to for help. The insults were constant and varied. My husband called me a whore and would lock me out of our room. That wasn’t the hardest part though—the forced isolation was worse. Duri prevented me from accessing food, clothing, money, a car, the internet, a phone, and most importantly, my family and friends. If ever I was allowed to contact my family, Duri would monitor my calls and log into my email account to read my mail. He even locked me out of our home in the middle of a winter snowstorm, taunting me the entire time I was outside.
Duri played on my deepest fears, regularly threatening to divorce me and have me deported. Because my family is a traditional Hindu family, I could imagine nothing more hurtful and shameful than having to return to India as a divorcée. Although I could find work as a dentist in India, I could not imagine how unbearable my life would be if I returned from a failed marriage. Duri knew that bringing this shame on my family and on me was my greatest fear.
While I tried to pursue my goal of becoming a dentist in the United States, the emotional toll of my marriage proved too much. One night, I drank acetone in hopes that I would escape what my life had become. I spent the night on the bathroom floor, vomiting repeatedly, while my husband refused to help me. I struggled to recover on my own.
Then, one day I woke up to find that my husband was gone. He had moved out of the house, yet would still come by once a week, briefly, and always arriving with insults. Eventually, he stopped paying for the utilities and one by one they were cut off—first the gas, then the electricity. Duri had hoped that he could make my life so miserable that I would leave. I endured his weekly visits and verbal abuse because I was determined to be true to my Indian culture and not be the one to file for divorce. I was able to find a job to get by, but during this period I was so troubled that I could barely eat or sleep.
Thankfully, I now have a second chance at life and a renewed sense of hope due to the help of the Tahirih Justice Center. I am currently waiting to learn the status of my battered spouse waiver, which if granted would allow me to become a full legal permanent resident without my husband’s assistance. Meanwhile, Tahirih has worked to provide other critical services to help me escape my husband’s abuse. Allison Medina, Tahirih’s Managing Social Worker, encouraged me to see a therapist and referred me to one. I was then able to obtain the help and medication I needed to once again eat, sleep, and feel like a real person.
In addition, with Tahirih’s help, I obtained a scholarship to take a Kaplan dental exam preparation class and recently found out that I passed the exam. Razan Fayez, Tahirih’s Managing Family Law Attorney, challenged my husband’s attorney, who is known to be one of the top ten domestic relations lawyers in Virginia, and negotiated a favorable spousal support agreement. With this support, I will now be able to attend dental school in the United States, which I hope to begin in the spring of 2009. My greatest hope is to one day join Tahirih’s Pro Bono Medical Network and offer dental services to Tahirih clients.
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*Names have been changed to protect privacy. Photo by Manish Bansal.
