Femi’s Story
Paul was serving in the United States Army when we met through mutual friends. Like myself, he was a native of Uganda and our extended families knew each other back home, which helped me trust him from the start. Paul took me out on fun dates, brought me gifts, and even impressed my mother. After almost a year of dating, when Paul got orders to transfer to a new military base, we decided to get married and move together.
Once we moved and started living together, everything changed. Paul became cruel. He repeatedly raped me. He beat me daily, often using spatulas, extension cords, and remote controls. He screamed at me without provocation. He even locked doors to trap me in rooms with him so I could not escape the violence.
I called the police after a particularly bad incident. Civilian police arrested my husband, and transferred him to military custody. He was kept for 72 hours and then released. No one spoke to me about the incident.
The abuse did not stop when I became pregnant. Paul would choke me, beat me, and drag me around by pulling my hair. Complications from the pregnancy, as well as the stress from my marriage, resulted in my weight dropping to 97 pounds. I was in the hospital for over two months of my pregnancy.
The abuse did not stop when our son was born. Paul was arrested again after I was taken to the emergency room following one of his attacks. After the second arrest, Paul’s superior officer called me to his office where he explained that I risked getting deported and losing custody of my son if I continued to call the police.
I felt trapped.
After we were evicted from military housing, I sold all my belongings to a thrift store and left Paul. I returned to my family in Virginia. I felt ashamed and embarrassed, but I was desperate. For months, my husband was absent. Then one day he showed up at my door demanding to see our son. However, Paul resisted visiting with our son unless I had sex with him. I refused. He started to scream at me so I slammed the door. He left when I threatened to call the police.
A friend referred me to the Tahirih Justice Center. Tahirih filed a VAWA self-petition for me, which was approved on April 5, 2006. Soon after, I received my green card. I live safely now with my son in northern Virginia. My dream is to become a nurse because I enjoy working to make people feel comfortable and cared for.
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*Names have been changed to protect privacy. The photograph included here is not of Femi and was generously provided by Rosita Najmi.
